Fix You
by Peyt fan 4ever
Summary: "There is someone who hasn't changed through all this. He always cared for you, he still does. Even if he tries not to show it. I think you should know that. No matter how dark it gets, you have him, Alex." When she needs him most he is there. She's not sure where she would be if he'd never found her and pulled her out of the darkness. Ralex OS.


**A/N: This is my first dive into Quantico fanfic so I hope you enjoy it! I've been lacking inspiration for my stories in another fandom and decided it was time to write about the couple that's been stealing all my inspiration! I've been rewatching season one a lot lately and it caught my attention that everytime you see Alex at home after 1.11 she has a drink in her hand or there is a bottle of alcohol not far from her, so I decided to dive into how this all could have played out had the show focused in on Alex's struggling after the attacks on New York. Please leave me a review to let me know what you think.**

 _When you try your best, but you don't succeed_  
 _When you get what you want, but not what you need_  
 _When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep_  
 _Stuck in reverse_

She watches the amber liquid pour into the glass and her mind replays the days events over. The running was finally over, she was exonerated, of all charges. Finally free, but at what cost. 67 people are dead, because she was wrong. She told Simon to let go of that trigger. She fell for the terrorists plan. Elias's plan. Or at least that is what the FBI wants her to say, to believe, but she can't, and she won't.

She sighs in frustration slamming the bottle down and staring into glass and it all play's on a loop, watching Ryan be tourchered only a day before, seeing Simon in the room pleading with her to help him, to believe him, Elias jumping out the window, Simon's hand dropping from the trigger, the building shaking under their feet as the Command Center exploded blocks away. Helping carry people out, giving her statement over, and over. It was all too much. She grabbed the glass and threw it back, emptying it and setting it back down as she places her hands on the table in front of her to hold herself. Her throat burns, her eyes burn and it isn't just from the alcohol. She pours another one quickly and downs it as well, and her throat burns again. Her eyes spill over. She cries out, her legs buckling as she drops.

It was all too much.

 _And tears come streaming down your face_  
 _When you lose something you can't replace_  
 _When you love someone, but it goes to waste_  
 _Could it be worse?_

Three months later...

Day one of the trial. Day one of having everyone in the room staring at her with pleading eyes, hoping, praying that she will give this all up and believe their truth, but she can't, it's not her truth and it never will be.

She sits at her computer looking at the documents about Duncan's suicide, going through the articles, and looking through the information she found in the phone records she got from her bar hook up when there is a knock at her door. She looks up, debating leaving whoever it is, but with a sigh she sets her computer and glass of scotch on the table and gets up, looking through the peephole.

Ryan.

Her heart skips a beat and tenses all at once. She runs her hands through her hair and straightens her clothes, she really doesn't want him to see her this way, but she opens the door anyways.

"You going to let me in?" He asks after she stands there staring at him, unsure of what her next move should be. Unsure of what to say to him, the last time she seen him he was chained up and being tortured at her cost, and had ignored her messages and called since then.

Ryan looks around and makes a comment about her new place, but the first thing he really notices is how she grabs her glass of scotch off the coffee table and brings it to the sink, before turning back to talk to him. He want's to make a comment about how it's the middle of the day and he can already smell it on her breath and see it in her posture, but he knows it's not his place anymore, maybe it never was, but it kills him just as much. In the middle of their conversation she walks over to her little desk and he sees her self consciously push the two half empty bottles back as if she is trying to hide them, poorly, and it makes him wonder how long ago they were full.

He'd be fooling himself if he said he didn't still love her, and that he wasn't worried about her for multiple reasons. He tries to make her see the light, but when he realizes he is gaining no headway he leaves, wondering if he will ever get the Alex back that he met a year ago. The one he fell in love with so quickly and so deeply.

 _Lights will guide you home_  
 _And ignite your bones_  
 _And I will try to fix you_

It's a few hours later in the courtroom when Alex is giving her final statement that his worry for her is heightened. She lies, for him, he knows, but it's a lie none the less. When she walked in he could see how defeated she looked, how run down, and broken she looked. He can't imagine how much she is going through, but he still can't let himself close to her, no matter how much it kills him to not reach out to her and protect her from it all. Because she's broken his heart too many times and he can't go back there, not again, not after everything they have been through.

 _They only think that Alex because they believe in you, and I believe in you too._

 _I don't think that you're crazy, I think you're in pain. I think you went through something awful, something that doesn't even make any sense..._

 _This isn't about the truth, this is about you..._

 _If I hadn't been hospitalized for helping you, I might be dead too..._

 _I thought that you'd come to your senses, I thought that you'd come back to us... but your still lost..._

She lays back against the couch and tries to let it all go, tries to get Ryan's words from today out of her head. He was right, she was in pain, more than she could bare, and right now, the bottom of the bottle was the only thing dulling that ache, and she takes another drink, the burn at the back of her throat the only familiar thing in her life, the only saving grace she has lately. And that's when the terrorist calls her...

It's only a short week later that she sits on her bed, Simon on her couch sleeping soundly. He snores at night, she wonders if he knows, that she hasn't been sleeping. She wonders if he knows about her drinking. That she slips the bottle into her room and takes swigs while she lays and thinks about all that has happened. It haunts her. All of it.

Tonight though, she thinks back to Quantico, to finding out about her father. A hero, an alcoholic, a loving father when he wasn't drunk. Like father like daughter, she thinks bitterly.

 _He made one mistake and he regretted it for the rest of his life._

 _I held on to the top of the bottle with one hand while your father drowned at the bottom._

She wasn't sure what one she was in that scenario, drowning or barely holding on.

 _And high up above or down below_  
 _When you're too in love to let it go_  
 _But if you never try you'll never know_  
 _Just what you're worth_

One week later...

Simon was gone. Liam was the one behind it all. She lost her job. It was all over.

But somehow she found no comfort in any of it.

The tears had only slowed since she walked through her apartment door, she couldn't shake it, any of it. It was all there. Liam. Simon. Drew... Ryan. She choked on the sob that left her mouth, the tears coming in crashing waves. She grabbed the bottle and took a long swig, the burn was long gone, she was used to it at this point, half of the freshly opened bottle already gone, but tonight nothing was helping the aching in her head and heart. Everything was numb, and yet she felt it all in hyperdrive as well. She wanted to stop feeling, she wanted to stop the ache in her chest, she wanted it all to go away, if only for a minute.

There was a knock on her door and she ran her hands through her hair but didn't make a move from her spot on the couch. She thought maybe whoever it was had left, but then she hears his soft voice. "Alex, come on, I know you're home." She sighs, wiping at her face and trying to get a little bit of control over herself. "Alex, please, I'm worried." His voice is so pure that she is off the couch and moving slowly to the door, she couldn't ignore him, as much as she wanted too.

She swings it open and he immediately sees the tear stains on her face, the mascara that's run down her cheeks, and the open bottle of whiskey on the coffee table.

"Oh, Alex." He says softly, his heart aches for her. She lost her best friend, she took down the terrorist that she had been saying was real for months now, and he hadn't believed her, and she lost her job, all in one day. She was the strongest person he knew, but everyone had a breaking point. Alex Parrish was clearly at hers.

She leaves the door open and turns around, walking back inside and grabbing her glass, taking another drink and not bothering to hide it from him. She hears the door shut and feels him behind her so she turns back around.

"I'd ask if you are okay... but I think I have my answer." He says softly and she scuffs, but she can feel her throat burning again as the days events flash through her mind. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you... God, Alex, this is all so messed up..." He says and she can hear his frustration in his last words.

Frustrated is an understatement to what she is feeling.

She can't find any words, she wants to talk about it, and wants to forget it all in one. Instead of starting this off with some big deep conversation she grabs the bottle and holds it out to him, raising a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

He contemplates it. He knows she has been drowning in the bottle lately, and he has tried to leave it alone, to caught up in thinking she was out chasing ghosts and causing problems, he really doesn't want to be part of the problem right now, but after today... he could use a drink.

He takes the bottle and takes a swig before sitting in the chair across from her spot on the couch. They spend twenty minutes in silence passing the bottle back and forth till it is empty. He is feeling buzzed and when she gets up to grab another bottle he can see that she is past that point. She cracks it open and takes a drink at the counter but doesn't turn back to face him and he watches as her shoulders tense and she lets out a ragged sigh before finally turning to face him and he see's the sorrow in her eyes. It wasn't very long ago that he told her she was lost, and now looking at her he see's how true that is.

He looks her over and he thinks back on their fight in his office earlier today. He actually fought her. They'd gave it their all at Quantico in their hand to hand combat, but today. Today was much different, she has the cuts and bruises to prove it, and so does he if he is being honest. He hit and punched and threw around this beautiful girl, he believed that the girl he loved could be responsible for such terrible things... Even after she begged and pleaded with him to believe her, to trust her. He takes her in fully now her flannel was rolled up at the sleeves and the top buttons were left undone. There was a bruise on her arm and cuts on her knuckles, there was another bruise on her chin, a cut on her eyebrow with a bruise starting to form around it. Her pajama shorts rested low on her hips and showed off her long legs that were littered in little bruises. He'd done this to her, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't have some hidden bruises and aches that she had given him. He wants to bring it up, wants to apologize, he wants to just hold her and forget about today and how hard the past few months have been, he wants to bring up the quick kiss she planted on his lips before they took Liam down.

"Why are you here, Ryan?" Her slightly slurred words cut off his thoughts.

"I wanted to check on you, I, I needed to see you were alright..." He says honestly.

"I'm fine."

"Don't." He says, shaking his head and standing up to move towards her. "Don't put up your walls with me and act like today was okay, like you are okay... Alex, talk to me, please..."

"What do you want me to say Ryan!?" She yells, her voice straining as she throws her hands up. "What should we talk about? Huh? How Simon is _dead_? How Natalie and Drew are dead? How I so easily let myself be the fall guy for a man that we both trusted? How I told _you_ , told _everyone_ that there was someone else out there, that Elias wasn't the real terrorist and _none_ of you believed me!?"

"Alex..." He tries taking a step towards her but she puts her hands up stopping him and backs further into the counter.

"It was Liam, it was Liam this whole time... and I, I missed it. It all seems so obvious now, he saw me the first day, he had the clearance to do all of the things he did, get my fingerprints, try to get me kicked out of Quantico, having you watch me, he got so close to me and I never even second guessed any of it..." At this point he could tell she was just rambling in frustration and he was about to cut her off when she said something that blew his mind. "… God, I, I slept with him."

"You, what?" He questioned, feeling like he'd just been punched in the gut.

She stopped her pacing, realizing what she had just said, realizing he didn't know, she had never told him... "Ryan."

"Wait you, you and Liam? When?" He questioned and he could feel his blood boiling, he knew he had no reason to be angry, he can't blame her, he has no right, but none of that was registering now. This whole day, this whole situation was so messed up already, and this, this just made it worst. He doesn't even know what to say to her. He wants answers, and he wants to forget he ever heard those words leave her mouth.

She shakes her head and can feel herself sobering at the weight of this conversation. She hadn't even thought about her one night with O'connor for months. She takes a drink out of bottle she had opened, she would need it. "Ryan..."

"When Alex?" He asks forcefully.

She doesn't owe him anything, and yet she finds herself answering. "New years."

She watches the emotions play on his face. The sorrow that fills his eyes as he thinks of their conversation that night and she thinks of her conversation with Hannah, _give him some time to heal before you break him again_ , and then the anger and frustration as he shakes his head and turns his back on her while he processes the words.

He's angry, she gets it, she wants to apologize and yet she doesn't, because she has no reason too. He left, he didn't answer her calls. She knows how much of a mess this all is, or was, because right now it really doesn't matter. It was months ago, and they weren't together, in fact they aren't together now so she has half a mind to tell him to get the hell out, but truth be told as much as she doesn't want to talk, she doesn't want to be alone even more, she's afraid to be alone, she's afraid of what she's capable of being alone.

"God, that's just, that's just great Alex! I spend the night looking for you, wanting to talk and work it out, and you... you were off sleeping with him, of all people!" He was right in front of her now, his voice raised and his hands flailing while she stood there, arms crossed and jaw locked, trying to ignore his harsh words, because everything he's said isn't something she hasn't already played through her head. "I don't know why I'm surprised, look at how we met after all, you so easily fell into it with me..." Her hand lands hard against his cheek and he's taken aback. When he focus's again she is a breath away and pointing at him angrily.

"How dare you... You have no right to judge me..." Her voice shakes with anger and he can see tears brimming her eyes and feels himself soften. "You followed me, you worked your way into my life, so don't you dare call me a whore. How I choose to live my life, who I choose to sleep with, what I choose to do is none of your business, it was none of your business then, and it's none of your business now... Get the hell out."

She slamming her bedroom door behind her before he can get another words out and he sighs in frustration and hurls the empty bottle that sat on the table at the wall.

 _Lights will guide you home_  
 _And ignite your bones_  
 _And I will try to fix you_

He knows she told him too, but he doesn't leave. He sits back down in the chair and runs his hands through his hair, trying to calm down. It's nearly a half hour later when he is up after finally finding a broom and is sweeping up the mess he made from the bottle when he hears her door open and looks up. Her face as tear stained as it was when he first showed up.

"I told you to leave."

"Yeah, well, I didn't." He said simply. She sighs, there was no fight left in her tonight, and says nothing more as she grabs the bottle from where she left it on the counter and plops down on the couch watching him sweep up the remaining glass before discarding it and taking a seat across from her once again.

They sit in silence for awhile and he watches her take multiple drinks out of the bottle before he finally decides to ask. "How long has that been going on?" He questions and he watches her dark eyes reach his, her face surprised.

"What?" She tries to play off.

He points to the bottle in her hand. "Alex, almost every time I've seen you since you were exonerated the first time you've had a drink in your hand, or have been hungover. I'm not an idiot, you can fool a lot of people, I'm not one of them."

She sat there stoic. She didn't know what to say to him, because she knew his words were true.

"When did it start?" He promoted again.

She stayed silent for a while before finally, "The night after the ECC bomb." She says softly, not meeting his eyes. He only nods, but stays silent. His silence frustrating her and prompting her to say more. "It's just been a tough couple months. I'm fine."

"Alex, you are the furthest thing from fine, and no one expects you to be." He says honestly, and she stays silent, not moving from her spot or meeting his eyes. She wanted to go back to the arguing, not this, not this conversation. He leans over farther, forcing her to look at him.

"I'm sorry about what I said, you were right, what you do with your life is none of my business. I was out of line... I just, I'm frustrated too. Liam was my boss for years, I fell for his act too, I should have seen the signs... I should have believed you when you said someone else was out there." He says softly and she finally meets his eyes.

"It's not your fault Ryan, I should have told you when I got the first call."

"You were just protecting me, you were protecting all of us." He tells her. "You don't have to worry about any of that anymore, Alex. It's over, Liam is dead. We can all move on from this. You, you did it Alex, you got him..."

She stands up and slowly moves around, "Yeah, the terrorist is caught, Liam is dead, Simon is dead, Natalie, Drew, 133 people before them and another 67 after..." She says not meeting his eyes.

"Alex, you didn't kill any of those people." He says, seeing where she is going with this.

"I didn't?" She says sarcastically. He goes to say something, but she cuts him off. "I told Simon to let go of that trigger that set that bomb off. Elias jumped out of window right in front of me. Duncan was dragged into this because of me. I was with Natalie when she was killed, I brought Simon here, I begged him to help me with all of this, and I helped lead the FBI to Drew. I let Liam get close to me, I never suspected anything, I let him into my life, trusted him, and God, Ryan I got you shot... twice! Why are you even here, why do you care anymore?!" She cried, her eyes burned her throat hurt, she was tired. Tired of fighting, tired of yelling, tired of all the guilt she carried, tired of being in pain.

He was out of his spot right away, and moving towards her and pulling her into his arms as her tears dropped. He expected her to push him away, to fight him, but he was surprised when she fell into his embrace, holding onto the front of his shirt as her head buried in his chest. "It's my fault, Ryan, I did this." She cried, her words rough as her sobs overtook her.

He held onto her, running his hand through her hair and whispering sweet nothings in her ear. "You're okay, Alex, you're okay. It's all going to be okay." He felt tears burn his own eyes at her confession. He knew she was struggling, he knew she was drinking too much, he knew she was feeling guilty, but he never knew the extent of it all. He never knew how far gone she was, how much of these emotions, how much guilt she had buried beneath the surface.

It's only after she has calmed down a little that she does the next thing that shocks him. Her hands move from the front of his shirt up to rest on his neck, her head pulling away from his chest to meet his eyes briefly before her lips are on his. He leans into it for a moment, relishing in the feel of having her in his arms, before pulling his lips from hers. "Alex..." He says shaking his head, but her hands are pulling at him again. A pleading whisper leaving her lips. "Please..."

She kisses him again and it takes him longer to pull away, he loved her so much, he'd missed this, but he knew this was wrong, she wasn't in the right state of mind. She'd been drinking, she was upset. She starts walking them back towards her room and he stops once again, running his hands through her hair and letting them rest on her cheeks. "Alex, I, we can't." He sighs, and then he watches the rejection fill her eyes.

She pulls away, "Yeah, of course."

Turning her back to him she makes her way to the coffee table picking up random things and taking them to the garbage. "Alex..." He tries softly, but she keeps up with the cleaning. He sighs, frustrated, "Would you please looks at me?" He tries, louder.

She doesn't, but she replies. "It's fine Ryan, I get it." She says softly, building her wall back up. "I don't know why I even tried, why you'd want me after..."

He cuts her off, grabbing her hand and turning her to face him. "Don't, don't do that... Do you think I want to say no to you? Do you think I appreciate hurting you, seeing you upset? God, Alex, it kills me to see you like this, drowning yourself in a bottle? Blaming yourself? Alex, I love you, how many different ways do I need to say it for you to see it?!" Her eyes snap to his, her heart beats out of her chest, but she can't find the words that she really wants to say, so instead she shows him.

Her lips meet his roughly, her hands wrapping around his neck and running through his hair. His hands land on her hips and he kisses her back with just as much fever. This time when she leads him back to her bedroom he doesn't stop her, and follows along, his lips not leaving hers until they are over the threshold and his lips land on her neck. "Ryan." She moans, and his eyes meet hers, resting his forehead to hers, his lips meet hers softly. "I love you." He whispers, realizing this is the first time he has said it in this context, just those three words with no big speech covering them.. She smiles softly, the corners of her mouth twitching.

She wants to say it, it's on the tip of her tongue, but she can't, she never has and she's scared, but she hopes one day she can. So instead, she leans into him, kissing him softly, and hoping that was enough for him, because right now it was all she could give him. When his body falls in sync with hers she knows it's enough, at least for now, and when he picks her up and lays them both down along her bed she stops thinking all together. He pulls away enough to meet her eyes, running a hand along her side where her shirt had ridden up to reveal her smooth stomach. "Are you sure?" He asks one last time.

"Positive." She whispers, pulling him to her once again.

It's hours later when she is tangled in the sheets with her back pressed to his chest and his arms wrapped around her. She feels his heart beat against her back and it's the most soothing thing she's felt in a long time. She feels the hand that was tangled in hers tighten and the arm wrapped around her waist pull her closer against him, a kiss being pressed to her shoulder.

"How long have you been awake?" He asks, his voice still thick with sleep.

She doesn't want to worry him by telling him she had yet to fall asleep. That she had laid awake in his arms feeling the most safe and secure than she had in months, and she didn't want to wake up to him gone, that all she wanted was to live in that moment for as long as she could before the real world caught up to her again. "Awhile." She simply answers.

He holds onto her tight, not wanting to let her go, and his mind plays on a reel making love to her only hours before, the way her body moved beneath his, the moans that left her lips, the way she said his name... Alex Parrish was the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on, but as much as he noticed all her positive attributes he noticed things he wished he didn't. Like how her body was slimmer, in a way that worried him, and how the bruises and cuts along her body haunted him because he knew most of them were from him.

He rolls them over, turning her around so he could hover over her and meet her tired, surprised eyes. "What's wrong?" She says softly about his sudden change in mood.

He doesn't say anything, but his thumb runs softly over the bruise around her eyebrow, trailing down to the one on her chin, his lips following the same pattern closely behind, as he moves down her body the bruise on her side, the cuts on her knuckles, his lips move across every blemish on her otherwise flawless skin and when he reaches her face once again there are tears on her cheeks and he's barely holding his own in. "I am so, so sorry, Alex." He chokes out and her hand cups his cheek, her head shaking.

"It's okay, I'm okay." She whispers, watching his own tears finally fall and his forehead fall to hers.

"If anything were to ever happen to you, I, I don't know what I..." He says vulnerably, "I just, I'm so sorry I did this to you, I will never forgive myself..." He trails off and she wraps her arms around him, pulling him down onto her, feeling his weight rest perfectly onto her small frame. He tries to move away, "I'll squish you."

"You're perfect." She whispers, shaking her head and holding him tighter. He gives in and his arms snake underneath her back to hold her. "I'm just happy I can finally say Ryan Booth got his ass kicked by a girl." She jokes softly after the silence becomes to defending, trying to make light by referring to a conversation they had back at Quantico.

 _Tears stream down your face_  
 _When you lose something you cannot replace_  
 _Tears stream down your face and I_  
 _Tears stream down your face_  
 _I promise you I will learn from my mistakes_  
 _Tears stream down your face and I_

"You know, Simon told me once that he felt invisible, and I, I told him that he wasn't..." She says a while later once they'd settled back into the sheets, her back to him once again as he held her close with his arms wrapped around her waist and hers holding onto his tight. "Looking back I wish I would have tried harder, would have convinced him how important he was." She trails off, but he doesn't say anything. It's first truthful and unprompted thing she has said all night. She's finally opening up to him and he'd be an idiot to stop her. "That day that you and Nimah came to get me in Vermont I told Simon the truth about the terrorist getting in touch with me, Natalie had just been killed, and I had tried to go to you but that night in your apartment when I asked you to check me in they sent me pictures of us together, in your apartment and I knew that I couldn't tell you the truth because they would come after you like they did Vasquez, and I couldn't, I couldn't have anything happen to you too. So the next day I went to Simon because I knew I could trust him and I begged him to help me, I pleaded with him to come back... and he did that night... for me. He helped me find out the truth, and now he's... Ryan he's..." Her voices cuts off with a sob and he pulls her closer cradling her small body in his much larger one. "He's gone..." She cries, her grip on him tightening and she holds onto him for dear life. Right now he is one of the only thing she has left, she can't lose him too.

He hold her tight, whispering comforting words in her ear and pressing kisses into her hair, as happy as he was to be with her, to have her opening up and getting something off her chest, he hated seeing her upset more than anything. Alex Parrish was the strongest person he knew and to see her reduced to tears broke his heart more than anything.

 _Every morning I put a gun in my mouth. You ever tasted a gun, Alex, it's awful? It's the only thing that feels right to me._

 _You told me to let go of the trigger, and you had no right, no authority and you told me it was going to be okay, and it wasn't!_

 _I guess I earned that medal now...Simon we love you... I love you..._

 _I'm always with you..._

She wakes with a start, her body nearly jumping out of the bed and her breathing heavy. It took her a minute to realize where she was, that she was in her bed, not back at Quantico. It was a dream. Simon was gone, saving all of them, and she was in her bed... alone, she realized quickly. She ran her hands through her hair taking calming breaths before settling back down into the mattress and pulling the sheets back around her bare form. She thinks back on the day before and her heart aches. She doesn't know if they will all ever move past all this, but last night with Ryan gave her some hope. She hears a clatter from the kitchen that makes her jump, but she is thankful for the noise because it lets her know he is still here, she's not alone. She's still not sure if she can handle being alone.

Taking a moment to herself before she goes to him she thinks about all that has happened with them over the past year. As much heartache as they'd caused each other, she isn't sure what she would have done without him, she would do without him. And she realizes if she is being honest with herself that she doesn't want to ever find out.

Nimah's words from only a couple weeks ago ring in her ears. _He always cared for you, he still does. Even if he tries not to show it. I think you should know that. No matter how dark it gets, you have him, Alex._

It was pretty damn dark right now, darker than she'd ever been and here he was, here with her. Somehow he always was around when she needed him most.

Alex climbs out of bed, and grabs her shorts from the night before. She reaches for her discarded flannel, but when she spots his t'shirt beside hers she grabs it instead, pulling it over her head and smiling softly as the oversized material fell to her thigh and sleeves down to her elbows. She ran her hands through her uncontrollable hair and made her way into the kitchen quietly where she spotted Ryan at the stove flipping French toast.

"You know they say it's dangerous to cook shirtless." She quips. His eyes meet hers and he smirks.

"We'll I'd say I'd put one on but you look much better than I ever could in it." His smile deepens when her cheeks blush. He continues his work at the stove and watches as she moves around the living room and watches her eyes land on the still half empty bottle of scotch on the coffee table. She stares at it for a moment and her mind goes back to the past three months of turning to that bottle. He is surprised when he watches her grab it and move to the sink, unscrewing the top and pouring it out slowly.

He turns the pan on low and comes behind her resting his hands on her shoulders and pressing a kiss on the side of her head. "I'm proud of you." He whispers and she leans back into him letting out a sigh.

"Thank you." She says softly and he questions her. "For still believing in me, even when I don't think I deserve it. For staying even when I tell you to go. For coming here last night, for helping me through all of this. It's still going to be a long journey, but if you hadn't showed up I don't know where I'd be right now, Ryan." She says truthfully, she was in a dark place last night. Honestly she still was, but because of him she was beginning to see the light. "You're always here for me."

He turns her around and kisses her. "I always will be." He tells her and then points to the bottle she had just poured. "Just please, promise me that is the end of that..." He begs softly and she can see the worry in his eyes.

She nods, "I promise."

They finish the breakfast Ryan made and it's late in the afternoon by the time Alex gives him his shirt back and he is getting ready to leave her place. They say their goodbyes and he offers to come back after he has showered and changed at his place. It's not until he is halfway across the room and his hand is on the door that she calls out to him.

"Ryan..." He turns back, his hand still lingering on the door knob and meets her deep brown eyes. The words are on the tip of her tongue and she can feel the blush on her cheeks deepening before the words have even left her mouth. She'd never said them before, but she's been itching to all morning.

"I uh... I love you, too." She says softly and watches as his eyes widen and his hand drops from the door. He is stalking towards her moments later and picking her up in his arms, her laugh echoes off the walls as his arms wrapped around her.

She looks into his bright blue eyes that hold so much love and she can't help but smile, his lips meet hers and when he pulls away his hands cup her face. "Say it again." He asks boyishly.

"I love you, Ryan Booth, so much." He echoes the sentiment back to her and holds her close never wanting to let her go.

It hasn't even been twenty-four hours since the fateful events of the day before, but Alex realizes that sometimes even in the deepest darkness, if you have the right person next to you, you can find a little light.

 _Lights will guide you home_  
 _And ignite your bones_  
 _And I will try to fix you_


End file.
